Very often you read articles and stories where you can relate aspects of your life. As I was reading this latest article on Parenting.com, aside from the kids, there is an exact situation that I have experienced many times: The Explanation of the Situation.

SS family with twinsAs our kids play superheroes, I’m introduced to her husband, who shares the same strong Boston accent of his wife. We’re all chatting amiably when my wife, Emily, returns from checking on our flight status. “You guys sisters?” the mom asks.

And here is the moment I hate: the Explaining of the Situation (EOTS). Most of the time, the EOTS is not a big deal at all, but then again, we live in New York City. Not just New York City, but a liberal enclave in Brooklyn called Park Slope, where, depending on the time of day at the local playground, same-sex parents just might outnumber straight ones. I recognize, though, that not everyone is down with two women or two men raising kids together, so there’s the chance this family might quietly pack up their stuff and build their own campsite somewhere else upon the EOTS. Will our impromptu party suddenly become unbearably awkward?

For me, Pavlovian responses start to kick in. Breathing becomes short and shallow, heart rate and blood pressure increases, and the sweat starts rolling, all in a matter of seconds. I don’t have kids yet, but there have been a number of times when my husband and I were asked if we were brothers. It hardly happens in the San Francisco Bay Area, but it’s not uncommon when I go to visit family on the east coast. The more rural we go, the better chance we have of being mistaken for brothers.

The cause of this worry is not necessarily the people in the immediate conversation. What causes worry is the increase in hate crimes against LGBT people in recent years. It doesn’t help that there are people quoting Leviticus (way out of historical context). At one rally last summer on a tour sponsored by the National Organization for Marriage, one of their supporters came out with nooses on his sign that said “THE SOLUTION TO GAY MARRIAGE.” Who wouldn’t be taken aback if they were being directly targeted with threats of violence like this?!

Or take the example of the very first comment on the Parenting.com article:

This article makes me sick!!! God did not make same sex people to have children for a reason!! I am SOOOOO  mad at Parenting for running an article such as this. I brought it straight in from the mailbox and trashed it as soon as I saw this article. I am also throwing away all the issues I had saved now that I know the publishers have absolutely no values!!!!! Furthermore, I will be discontinuing my subscription and advising my friends as to the trash you people publish!!!!!! This is unacceptable !!!!!! I pity the children of these “women”.

As parents, my husband and I will do everything we can to make sure our kids grow up in a safe environment. Of course there is the worry of our kids drinking bleach, “stranger danger,” or squeezing the dog too hard. These are things we can prepare for. There are also the unforeseen events that just happen and are surely in the back of parents’ minds. For LGBT parents, this is just one extra threat for us to be concerned about.

Thankfully, more and more supporters are coming out, and more same-sex couples are becoming parents. This combined with many studies coming out that show children with parents of the same gender fare as well (or better) as kids with parents of opposite gender. Even with all the support, there will still be times where we encounter the Explanation of the Situation, and probably more so when we have a kid by our side. The best thing we can do is to be shining examples as parents to possibly shift mindsets around the country and world. Besides, favorability of LGBT people goes up with direct knowledge or experience, so the same should be true with gay parenting.

Fortunately for the parents in the above story, the situation progressed very well, and all of the anxiety was internal. But when will we ever be able to let go of the apprehension?